Hurricane Irene

WHO: your stupid, CNN-listening self.
WHAT: stupid "hurricane."
WHEN: August 27 - 28
WHERE: East Coast.
WHY: I dunno. Warm wind or something. I'm not a meteorologist.

HINT: Irene was a big, fat let down. We all went out and stood in some random aisle of Rite-Aid, hearts pounding, wondering if we should shove that old woman out of the way and grab the last bottle of water. And then we did. And we felt really good about it. Until Sunday morning, when we all felt like dumbasses. ALSO: What the fuck am I supposed to do with all these Craisens I bought?!

I give it:
/ 10
TWO OUT OF TEN HAPPY BRUCE FACES

High Line Park

WHO: your ever-lovin' nature-y self.
WHAT: The High Line Park!
WHEN: a weekday afternoon.
WHERE: "Gansevoort Street in the Meatpacking District to West 34th Street, between 10th & 11th Avenues." Take the L to 8th Ave and walk straight towards the water. You can't miss it.
WHY: URBAN HIKES! This place is beautiful. Take an old, half completed, abandoned elevated subway line and turn it into a beautiful elevated park. That's what happened here. Good job, New York.

HINT: Take a book and a blanket and some earbuds and go at like 1pm on your day off. Magical.

I give it:
/ 10
EIGHT OUT OF TEN HAPPY BRUCE FACES

God Bless Deli

WHO: Your drunk self.
WHAT: Delicious sammies.
WHEN: Anytime, but 4am is an especially delicious time
WHERE: 818 Manhattan Ave. Greenpoint.
WHY: 'Cause there are a million bodegas in New York, but this one is the most delicious and conveniently located half way between stumbling out of work at 4am and my apartment.

HINT: Get the Philly Cheese steak on a hero. Or 'Turkey Ham' with Swiss. Yum.

I give it:
/ 10
SEVEN OUT OF TEN HAPPY BRUCE FACES