PORTLAND EDITION: Pambiche

Urban Treasure Hunt: Portland Edition!!!!

WHO: your hungry, cuban food lovin' self
WHAT: Pambiche Cuban Cafe
WHEN: The most glorious of all happy hours: 2pm till 6pm during the week
WHERE: 2811 Northeast Glisan Street, Portland, OR 97232 (28th Ave and Glisan Street, NE Portland)
WHY: So you're just having a typical day in the Pacific Northwest Hippie Utopia (AKA WHITELANDIA) that is Portland, you arrived via the magical BoltBus line (this needs a separate post), you saved fuel by biking around in your Birkenstocks and biodegradable flax pants or something, you spent an hour wandering around Powells and sipping Stumptown and reading about trekking in Nepal, but now you are ravenously hungry and want to chow down like you've never chowed down before. But your friends are vegan! And gluten-free! And have no jobs and no money! What to do?

PAMBICHE. Wonder of all wonders. SO, so, so delicious. Happy hour menu options consist on piles of authentic Cuban cuisine all FIVE BUCKS or less AND full of vegan, vegetarian and gluten-free options. For drinks, throw back a couple cubanos ($2) or mango milkshakes ($2.50), or just dive into their boozy, coffee cocktails. It's everything you've ever wanted.

HINT: ORDER ONE OF EVERYTHING. You will be so full that you won't be able to squeeze into your flax pants and bike ride back to your yurt.

I give it:

/ 10

TEN OUT OF TEN HAPPY BRUCE FACES (!!!)

The Seattle Aquarium

WHO: your inner "when-I-grow-up-I-want-to-be-a-marine-biologist"
WHAT: the Seattle Aquarium
WHEN: middle of the day, midweek
WHERE: down on the waterfront, Pier 59
WHY: Because, sometimes you have a friend in town and its rainy but you need to be a good host and show them the town but you also need a day where you can let yourself ride out a hangover by sipping spiked coffee and wandering around looking at adorable otters and squishy octopi and stuff. You can also substitute out of town guest for small child or annoying one night stand who refuses to leave when you wake up in the morning. Whatever.

HINT: The aquarium is small, but charming. Its a bit pricey ($19.95, but I don't pay full price because I am a famous blogger. Also I have a friend who works at the aquarium.) so be on the look-out for Groupons or dig up your old student ID and try to look ten years younger.

I give it:

/ 10

SIX OUT OF TEN HAPPY BRUCE FACES

PICK OF THE WEEK: White People Mourning Romney Tumblr

After all the months of anti-Obama hatred, crazy Republican lies and the very real possibility of letting a man who has magic underpants lead this country, we can all sigh a big ol' sigh of relief 'cause IT'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT!

But let us take a moment and be a not-so-great-sport and laugh at the rich white people pouting over their loss.

Because taking the higher road is sorta boring sometimes.

http://whitepeoplemourningromney.tumblr.com/

Bush Garden

WHO: your shameless drunken karaoke singin' self
WHAT: BUSH GARDEN karaoke lounge and bar. (and restaurant, apparently).
WHEN: 9:30pm till close, Monday through Saturday.
WHERE: 614 Maynard Ave S. International District.
WHY: Because sometimes, your night has consisted of a series of brownouts, in which you sorta remember drinking a bottle of wine at your friend's apartment in Capitol Hill, vaguely recall doing shots of tequila at Cowgirls Inc. in Pioneer Square, briefly recollect stumbling around CenturyLink Field wasted at a midweek Sounders game, and finally, the faint memory resurfaces of you drinking a Capri Sun and gin in the back of a cab on I-5. And then you find yourself at Bush Garden, and ALL IS WELL.
HINT: This place is instant, drunken happiness. Revel as a small old Asian man climbs up on stage and serenades you with Frank Sinatra, or a nerdy dude busts out some TLC as the crowd goes nuts. Beware of the drinks, the bartenders pour extra heavy. In short, BUSH GARDEN IS ALWAYS A GOOD DECISION.

I give it:

/ 10

NINE OUT OF TEN HAPPY BRUCE FACES

Exercising Your Freedom to Vote!

WHO: Your freedom lovin' little self.
WHAT: VOTING IN THE GENERAL ELECTION.
WHEN: November 6th! Or sooner, by mail!
WHERE: In your mailbox the week of October 22nd! Paper ballots! We all get to vote in our underwear sitting on the couch! (Or if you haven't registered to vote yet via the interwebz, you can still register in person at the county elections department up until October 29.)
WHY: DON'T LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING?! MAYBE YOU SHOULD CAST A BALLOT! (Also people in countries where democracy is a relatively new thing actually take pride in their ability to freely vote. Maybe we should remember that and stop being so goddam lazy.)

HINT: Approve Referendum 74!!! Let everyone marry! Duh!!! Also vote YES on Initiative Measure 502 'cause it will make marijuana (in Washington State) legal, regulated and taxed which means pot for all and money for the budget! Yippeee!

(P.S. Check out the Stranger's cheat sheet if you know you're a liberal but are still being too goddam lazy to research what's on the ballot.)

I give it:

ONE BIG FAT PATRIOTIC CHARLIE DAY

Arabica Lounge

WHO: your fancy coffee and breakfast snack lovin' self
WHAT: Arabica Lounge
WHEN: mid-morning, mid-week.
WHERE: 1550 East Olive Way, Capitol Hill
WHY: You wake up and its so grey and drizzly and that weird in-between temperature that you have no idea whether its 8am on a Monday in May or 6pm on a Saturday in November. Basically its any day in Seattle, ever (Except for summer, which lasts July 29-31 depending on the year). So you call in sick, put on your old college hoodie and "shoes" (moccasins that may or may not actually be slippers from Target) and go find the nicest little coffee joint on the Hill. And it happens to be Arabica Lounge. Its warm and they have pretty art and pretty baristas and there is always some sort of non-annoying ambient music playing. Its totally worth your newly acquired (and required) sick day pay.

HINT: Get yerself some ever-lovin' breakfast snacks here. Good god. Try the "Awesome Breakfast Croissant Sandwich" ($6) for buttery goodness. After that disappears, try a sweet little cinnamon crepe ($9) that is just the perfect amount of egg-y and cinnamon-y and it has a tiny dollop of cream on top with the faintest zestings of lime (YES).

I give it:

/ 10

SEVEN OUT OF TEN HAPPY BRUCE FACES

PICK OF THE WEEK: OCTOBER $#&@!

Do you have one of those friends, who, the moment summer is over, freaks out about 'Fall Festivities' and Pumpkin Spice Lattes and corn mazes and carving pumpkins and ish like that?

I am that person.

And so, here is my list of top ten HALLOWEEN-Y things to do/drink/eat:

1. Mother-effing Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks. DON'T HATE. You know you love them. And yes please, I will take whip cream on that.
2. Elysian 'Night Owl' Pumpkin Ale. Enjoyed at the Elysian Brewery on Capitol Hill, or, in six-pack form downed while watching B-list scary movies.
3. On that note, B-list scary movies! Dead Alive, Basketcase, Frankenhooker. Check out this list here.
3. Peanut butter cookies from Crumble & Flake. A little sprinkle of sea salt on top. Oh my god. Yes.
4. The Galvanizer. A pint of Spire apple cider (on draft) with a shot of Fireball whiskey thrown right in. Served up with a side of vegan heavy metal at the Highline. (It's like a B-movie, a little scary but mostly hilarious)
5. SCARY CORN MAZES. I don't care how old you are, that freaking chain saw dude at the end still makes me pee a little.
6. Peanut Butter and Jam bars from The Wandering Goose. I don't know why peanut butter is so October-y to me, but it is.
7. Angry Orchard 'Apple Ginger Cider.' Available at QFC. Ridiculously good.
8. Trick-or-Treating. Never too old to go trick-or-boozing. Get a group of friends, get dressed up, and check out this list of adult stops during the month of October.
9. JUMPING IN LEAVES. Volunteer park has a lot of leaves. So does Cal Anderson. Bring a rake, some of that hard cider in a thermos, and go to town (I mean, a park).

10. Okay, one more. Here it is, the top great October thing to do is….

GETTING PRETTY DRUNK ON PUMPKIN BEERS AND FREAKED OUT FROM THOSE B-LIST SCARY MOVIES AND WANDERING AROUND A CEMETERY WITH YOUR FRIENDS UNTIL SOMEONE JUMPS OUT AND YOU PEE A LITTLE.